We all want parenting advice that provides us with the tools we need to raise happy healthy children. Good
parenting does not result from using a standardized recipe or cookie cutter approach to the many challenges our offspring
present to us.
Good parenting really comes from learning as you go. Ask yourself, "What kind of adults do I want my children to
be?" and then set about to create the circumstances that will allow that to happen.
You want your children to be "happy" but if you focus on making your children happy you will not be providing them with
the skills they need to create their own happiness. What you need to be doing is raising your children to be responsible,
reliable, and productive adults.
Here are some parenting tips on how to raise responsible, reliable, and productive citizens for tomorrow's society.
- Let your children make mistakes - your child can never learn how to make a good decision if he
is not allowed to make a bad one. As the parent you have more wisdom and knowledge about risk and it is your responsibility
to assess the possible risk and consequences of a bad decision. Give your child the responsibility for making
decisions that have consequences which are of low risk and age appropriate. Parents need to give over the responsibility
of decision making and control to the child. This needs to be timed properly not only for the child's age level but
also by the child's individual maturity level and trustworthiness.
- Do not rescue your children from the consequences of their own mistakes. If your child harms someone
else with her actions she needs to apologize and if she breaks someone else's property then she needs to replace it.
This can start with children when they are very young. If your child is never connected to the consequences of
her own actions she can never develop a sense of responsibility and accountability for what she does. Your child has
to make reparations for harm they caused someone else and it is highly recommended that you are involved in that reparation
but only in a way that assists her. Your child should be involved from start to finish in carrying out the necessary
apology or actions needed to make things right again.
- Let your child see you make mistakes but more importantly let your child hear you talk about them
and identify why that decision was wrong and what you learned from it. Then do not make the same mistake
again! If you do not change your behaviour as a result of what you have learned your child will identify your insincerity
and lack of integrity very quickly and know that your statements are meaningless. In short he will learn that you
"talk the talk" but you do not "walk the walk". Your child does not learn from your mistakes, your child learns
by seeing you learn from your mistakes. Engaging your child in rationale analysis of why things
went wrong will help them to develop skills of critical inquiry that will serve them well in adult life.
- Take responsibility for your own mistakes. Most things that happen to you in life are the result
of your own actions. If your child sees you taking responsibility she is less likely to see herself as a victim of circumstance
and are more likely to feel empowered and in control of her own life.
- Apologize when you are wrong. You cannot and should not expect yourself to be perfect. If
you were wrong in your judgement say so. "I am so sorry I yelled at you like that, it was very unkind and I apologize.
However, you did not follow the rules and so the punishment still stands."
- Teach your child how to ask for help. Perhaps the greatest life skill you can teach your child
is that nobody can do everything by themselves all the time. We spend so much time trying to raise independent citizens
of tomorrow we forget to teach our children how to ask for help. In order to be productive and positive citizens your
child needs to know when he is out of his league and how to seek out help from those who are best equipped to help him.
So many problems could be solved so easily if people would just recognize that they have a problem and seek out ways to prevent
it from developing into something more complicated.
The best common sense parenting advice for raising your children to be reliable responsible adults? Be a
good role model.
Like it or not your children will quite likely grow up to be just like you but in a slightly different package.
